Monday, February 15, 2010

It's funny how some things turn from mortifyingly awful to screamingly funny given enough time. I've found this to be especially true with embarassing stories. Maybe this isn't the case if they're really awful like being caught in a compromising position with a chicken or pooping in your pants past a certain age. Thankfully I've never done anything nearly this gross so my humiliations are minor considering.. Some of my silly stories follow in the hope that you will share some of yours. I'll remove all details that could identifying you in case the wounds are still fresh.

Story 1: This happened several years ago. It was a long weekend and we were planning to go on a trip. I needed to get some stuff done at work before we left. I went home to eat some dinner and then headed back to work around 10:30. No one was there so I decided it would be ok to blast some death metal while doing my work. A song I really like started playing and I busted out the air guitar. Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked... my boss... I sheepishly dropped the air guitar routine, turned off the metal, and tried to finish up as quickly as I could. Thankfully, my former boss and I had a good relationship so there weren't any adverse consequences.

Story 2: This happened when I was in ninth grade. I was often bored in class and did all kinds of things to entertain myself. I was in biology class, which was taught by the world's most boring woman and thought it would be really funny to invent this other life for her. I enlisted the help of the girl who sat next to me and off we went. I don't remember what we came up with, but I remember that it got exponentially funnier. Our teacher remained unaware of what we were doing until we simultaneously burst out into hysterical laughter. She then came over to us and asked what we were doing. We tried to deny that anything was going on and then.. disaster struck! She saw that I had a note and asked to see it.

I have to briefly interrupt this story to mention something that's important to get the full cringe effect. I grew up in a strict household and would have gotten in lots of trouble for this if my parents found out. I tried to stall her, being fully aware of my imminent doom. She repeated her request. I was sweating bullets and heard the emperor's theme from Starwars in my head. I tried stalling her again, but all that came out of my mouth was a squeaky "No. No M'am". At this point, the entire class burst out laughing. She repeated the request. I began to hope that a hole would open up in the floor or Mothra would swoop in and grab her, but again, all that came out of my mouth was the same squeaky "No M'am. Please M'am". The class began laughing uncontrollably and thankfully, she knew when enough was enough. She tried to go back to teaching the class while I slunk out of the room with the note safely under my shirt. I retreated to the bathroom and ripped it up in hundreds of tiny pieces. I couldn't live this one down for the rest of my sentance in high school, but it's hilarious now.

What are your stories...?

1 comment:

  1. My friend Jason and I, working in a community library. It is my second to last week in that job, his last.

    He and I are in high spirits, horsing around in the work room whilst the rest of our (entirely female) colleagues are out the front.

    As a part of the hijinks, I pick up a sealed stack of printer rolls and place them to my groin - effectively making a large phallus (I was in my twenties, this is male humour at that age).

    Our very born again colleague Jenny walks in... OUCH!

    She walks right out and I don't get to have the ground open up because Jason grabs onto a filing cabinet to save himself from collapsing with laughter and almost pulls it onto himself.

    All I could do to preserve my then minimal grace and dignity was own up to it.

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